This list was initially inspired by the wonderful and ever-popular Grand List of Console Role Playing Game Clichés. If you've read and/or written fanfic for some time now, you may notice that certain ideas tend to get used over and over again. These ideas transverse mere fanon, as they crop up in fics of completely different fandoms. True, there are a number of beloved fanfics out there that have original ideas, and new ways of looking at their fandoms, but even these can fall prey to the "same old stuff", i.e. Fanfiction Clichés!

Last updated December 21, 2004. New and updated clichés are in red. Please send any and all new clichés (as well as addendums and suggestions) to this address.

1. The Cardinal Rule of Fanfiction: Every loophole, mystery, mistranslation, and unanswered question that exists in the canon is to be exploited for the fic writer's benefit.
2. Gamer's Corollary (Ghost of Aeris Rule): Same as the above, but adding glitches and bugs in the game's software to the list of elements to be exploited.
3. Surname Rule: If characters don't have a last name in the canon (typical in video games), then it's the responsibility of the fic writer to make one up.
4. Surname Corollary: Last names will be determined by whatever the character's nationality is, either as defined by the canon, or decided upon by the fic writer.
5. We Are Siamese, If You Please (Tseng Rule): If a character has straight black hair and dark eyes, it automatically means that they're a native-born Asian, despite whether or not this is explained in the canon.
6. Parlez-Vous Français?: If a character is given a nationality at all at any point of the series (or if the author feels that they "look" or "act" foreign), expect them to speak in their "native language" in the fic, whether they were raised in the country of their ethnicity or not. Also expect them to speak in words taken straight from the dictionary with no regard for the grammatical structure of the language in question.
7. Nihongo O Hanashimasu Ka?: If the story takes place in Japan, expect everyone to speak random bad Japanese, and English everywhere else, rather than employing suspension of disbelief and saying the English is Japanese. Original characters (OCs) will show a preference to speaking poor renditions of their "native language" or of Japanese to show just how amazing and exotic they are.
8. You Thought She Was Loud Before... (Relena Rule): Any character quirks the author thought was annoying in canon will be multiplied tenfold. As a corollary, this can also apply to appealing character traits.
9. Tifa Rule: If a character looks like a slut, no matter how sensitive and/or genteel she is in the canon, she's still a slut.
10. I Loves Me the Language (Nanaki Rule): Wise, well-spoken, intelligent characters are an excuse to break out the thesaurus.
11. Death is But A Mild Inconvenience (Goku Rule): Any character (hero or villain) that died in the canon will invariably be brought back to life in a fanfic sequel. Additionally, the how and/or why of their resurrection is explained at great length during the fic.
12. Vincent Valentine Rule: No matter what a character's personality in in the canon, if they have hair longer than their shoulders, they will be emotionally volatile and extremely sensitive.
13. Van Helsing's Field Day (Cloak and Fangs Rule): All gothic, pale characters are undoubtedly vampires even if vampires are never even mentioned in the canon.
14. Jewellers' Ophthalmology Principle: A character's eyes will frequently be described by and/or compared to a mineral, typically a precious stone. Which stone it is depends on the color of the character's eyes-- thus, green eyes will always be "emerald", "jade", etc. Sometimes, more than one mineral will be used to describe the same set of eyes, within the same fic.
15. No Need for the Comedy Relief: If a character is funny in canon, they're almost never funny in fanfics. Mostly they're annoying, except in cases like Kefka, wherin they're just psycho with most of their humor pumped out of them.
16. Mental Mentality Rule: When a character (canon or OC) has a mental illness in a fanfic, the author will almost invariably pick a common one, like autism or Attention Deficit Disorder. He or she will neglect things like agoraphobia, sensory-integration dysfunction, or dementia, in spite of the fact that these are usually more interesting.
17. A Girl Named Sue (Mary Sue Rule): In fanfiction, most major OCs fall under the category of "Mary Sue", which refers to an OC with three or more of the following traits:
    • -Has a name similar or identical to the author's pseudonym and/or real name.
    • -Physical features (hair, eyes, etc.) are described at length, with lots of adjectives (see Jewellers' Ophthalmology Principle).
    • -Eyes are an unusual color, such as purple or gold.
    • -Eyes are able to change color over the course of a fic, and without the aid of contact lenses.
    • -Character is related, or otherwise closely tied, to one or more canon characters.
    • -Character is an extremely talented fighter, magician, singer, what have you.
    • -Character has angsty/tragic backstory, which makes them a better and wiser person in the present.
    • -Character has an overwhelming influence on the canon characters, who tend to act out of character (OOC) as a result.
18. Son of Canon Rule: When an author tries to make an OC act like a canon character (e.g. travelling to other worlds like the protagonist; having the same job as the protagonist), the author will almost always do a horrible job of it.
19. No Rest for the Wicked Law: Nothing can keep a good villain down. Even if they were slashed to bits, blown to smithereens, dropped into a river of magma, crushed, dismembered, or broken down into their composite elements, it will be revealed that every defeated enemy miraculously survived certain death and will return to harass do-gooders again, ad nauseum.
20. I Am Become Death, Squared: The world-annihilating plot devices used by the villains in the canon storyline will be peanuts compared to the superweapons the fanfictionalist will come up with.
21. Empathise With My Angsty Backstory: All characters' life stories will be improved by the additional death of a sibling or lover, and/or sexual/physical abuse as a child.
22. Law of Bishounen: The word "beautiful" will be used a lot when referring to a fic's hot male protagonists. Also, their skin will be described as "ivory," "soft," and/or "surprisingly warm." The last one will make it look like the author added a subtle layer of depth to the character.
23. Akabane's Rule: No matter how cruel or sadistic a character is, no matter whether his confessed favorite hobby is serial murder, disemboweling, dismembering, and the like, no matter how much he admits he loves to see people suffer, if he is good looking and in some cases possibly not a villain then the author will completely disregard this part of his personality or have the right character (or Mary Sue) "fix" this minor problem.
24. Sephiroth's Corollary: If in the canon the character was shown to have a deep emotional past and possibly some shred of humanity left within him (deep down down, so tiny you'd swear it wasn't there), the story will go out of it's way to explain he is now rehabilitated or actually will be about the fallen character's path back into righteousness. An unlikely canon character or OC may aid in this process.
25. In a Nutshell: The favored plot of fanfiction is romance, angst, or any sort of drama involving relationships between two or more characters, as opposed to something that was actually relevant to the plot of the canon, such as saving the world or becoming an unstoppable warrior. The exception to this is when the main character is an OC, and then it is often about how they did so much better than the canon characters in resolving whatever conflict was the focus of the canon plot. Afterwards, the OC proceeds to have romance/angst/drama involving a canon character anyway.
26. Blue Chocobo Surface Tension Principle: All random facts that have absolutely nothing to do with the plot are explained in high detail.
27. Shinji's Law: Whenever angst can happen, it will happen, and always at the worst possible moment.
28. Shinji's Corollary (Kaworu Rule): Nine times out of ten, this angst is the result of unresolved sexual tension (UST).
29. Utena's Law: Angst is sexy, and therefore is generally more respected than fluff. Fluff is angst's bitch.
30. Law of Convenience: No matter how remote the locale, the character(s) will be able to make do with what they have no matter how inappropriate it is for the necessary task-- especially for weaponry, lubricrants, and/or machinery.
31. Fast Times At Fanfic High: A condition among Alternate Universe (AU) fics where Mary Sue authors place canon characters in high school or junior high school. Hijinks ensue, worthy of any teen movie starring Freddie Prinze Jr.
32. Law of Racial Cliques: Characters of the same race seem to stick together, even when the canon pushes more diverse pairings.
33. Culture Clash Rule: Any names, outfits, or words that appear in the fanfic but don't fit in with the canon will be allowed to pass without anyone questioning it. Unless, of course, the name, outfit, or words are those of an OC who was transported across time and/or space, where it will be the first thing everyone asks about even if it's not the most unusual thing about the OC.
34. Law of Scientific Acceptability: Everyone will understand and believe right away when someone explains alternate dimensions, bajillion years old prophecies, reincarnation, or other such concepts and their influence on the plot. Characters who speak of such things will not be called crazy or even stared at funny.
35. Make Love, Not War: The more love/sex scenes there are, the less effort is put into action scenes. A kiss that barely lasts a second will usually be described in greater detail than ten minutes of battle with flesh-eating orcish monsters.
36. "It's not Christmas, it's Winter Solstice!": In fics based on fantasy/sci-fi worlds, they have holidays remarkably similar to our own, especially when such holidays are never even hinted at in the canon.
37. Hogwarts' Wiccan Calendar Principle: In worlds where our regular holidays (Christmas, Halloween, etc.) are celebrated, they will be completely ignored in the fanfic.
38. Law of Pairings: Any pairing is plausible and reasonable, as long as they're hot (or weird) enough.
39. Limited Selection Rule: When a series has two protagonists and a host of not particularly likeable minor characters (or no minor characters at all), the protagonists will be paired up, despite displayed feelings for each other and/or hinted-at sexual orientation.
40. Leader x Follower Rule: Leader-types are almost always involved with their underlings, usually the best-looking person after the leader.
41. Uke Rule: If a character shows any sign of cowardice or weakness in the canon-- even if they were just pretending or acting-- then that automatically makes them the "bottom" in any relationship (het or slash).
42. Law of Rivalry: The more two characters hate each other, the more they, obviously, must be secretly lusting for one another.
43. Law of Bashing: If you are putting Character A in a relationship, especially with a Mary Sue, Character B must be mercilessly bashed even if A x B only exists in other fanfiction.
44. Himiko's Principle: No matter how cool or strong or sexy you are, no matter how hard it is tried to be established that you do not like any of the male characters in a romantic sense, and no matter how much the more popular male character wronged you in the past, if you are female you are inherantly evil, and the authors will do their damndest to show your "true colors" by making you unusually violent. That is, if the author is gracious enough to acknowledge your presence at all.
45. Angel Sanctuary Principle: Just because characters are related to one another doesn't mean that they can't be a couple.
46. Women? What Women?: If a series has a far greater number of male main characters than female (the ratio is 3:1 or higher), its fandom will be 90% slash, even if the characters do have significant others hidden somewhere or have displayed what their sexual orientation is. Likewise, the existing females will be completely ignored or made so unlikeable that the readers start rooting for the guys to end up with other guys instead of the girls... even if the boy and girl weren't actually interested in one another in canon in the first place. As always, an OC may be introduced to right this supposed injustice.
47. Men? What Men?: However, if a series has more girls than boys and the ratio of females to males is 3:1 or higher, rather than pair the girls off into various slash pairings more boys will appear to right this supposed injustice or obscure characters who appeared for collectively five minutes will be declared their boyfriends. Fem-slash is never an option unless you're "weird".
48. The Curse of DNAngel: When it comes to fanfiction, subtext is far more important than what is overtly stated in the canon. If a male character appears to have a crush on another male character, even if one (or both) of these characters is romantically involved with a female, expect the ratio of het to slashfic to be about 1:20.
49. Sex Ed 101: The realism of any sexual encounters will imply that the author's only experience of sex is other fanfics by other virgins.
50. Sex Ed 102: The explictness of any sex scenes will be in inverse proportion to the author's actual experience of the act in question. This doubly applies to male/male and female/female scenes written by people of the opposite gender.
51. Puppeteer's Playtime Rule: If a story involves two canon characters having vigorous sex, then you can be ninety-five percent sure that the author is projecting herself onto at least one of the characters.
52. Killing Time While Stranded Rule: A condition in which two characters are in a tight space (closet, cave, elevator stuck between floors, etc.) and are awaiting rescue. Now add some sexual tension, deep conversation and an optional huge argument if the characters are enemies. Then you can move right on to the sex.
53. Killing Time While Stranded Corollary: Same as the above, but with the location changed to an abandoned cabin in the middle of a snowstorm-- the characters are wet, cold, and only have one blanket between them.
54. Reverse Bullying Rule: If an atrocious-beyond-belief author has a lot of friends who keep giving her good reviews, then it's probably because these friends are even worse potential authors. They just read these stories to feel encouraged that they can write, too.
55. We're Just Chillin': Every fic must begin and/or end with a conversation between the author, the characters, any OC they may have introduced, and a (possibly imaginary) friend or two.

Thanks to the following fine folks for their contributions:

A Guy Named Goo
Blackjack Gabbiani
Nathan Delantri
dioschorium
Jaydeis
Jetamors
Joran
Laizeohbeets
Megasues
Gavin Mitchell
Quietisrafel
Rinoa Leonheart
spork: Spanish Avenger!
TeaRoses
Twilight Star
Vincent's Angel

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Last Updated December 2004 | Copyright 2004-2005, The Blue Shinra Project.